Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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