i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
