He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
