Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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