Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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