What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
