My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
