So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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