Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
