saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It's official drugs can't kill me
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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