my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
