Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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