how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
