i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
