There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
