i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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