I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
