I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
