alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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