The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
do herpes really smell.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
