those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
