If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
