My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
