i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
