I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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