I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
