Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
oh god the rape fog is back!
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
