Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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