he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
the condom got lost in my hair
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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