This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
