the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
