I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
