no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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