just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
