He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
