i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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