grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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