She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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