im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
