windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
this is an emotional support booty call
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
