opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
