Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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