wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
