Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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