I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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