I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
