I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
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