Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
vagina is talking i cant
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
