so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We talked him into tasing himself.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
