I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
