I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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