Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize