I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
