I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
