Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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