I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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