Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
