his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
