Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
