Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
