she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize