alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
