So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
