So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
