so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize