no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
