I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
