I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
