im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I puked a lego.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
