I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
