So drunk its hurt
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
