bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize